A poem: 'Out Loud'

A follow up poem to 'Dizzy Spells' ...

"Out Loud"

© 2015 - by Kelly Mcaulley

got to think quickly

how to explain this one

but here it goes

i'm in a full blown panic mode

stop me if you've heard this one before

its not my fault

there's a difference between an excuse and a lie

although i prefer to call it a reason

its a long story that happened in a matter of minutes

if you'll just let me explain

i've got a reputation to maintain

it's been here for more than half my life

though, every now and then, it still catches me by surprise

i've earned about a dozen names

called a hundred different words

some will come with descriptions

egotistical, drama queen, just about everything in between

its a sickness, an illness

often tough to live with, but thats just me

i think i've heard this one before

this is the part where i start to complain

and i'd only hope you'd understand my pain

the subject becomes an open invitation to judge my maturity

and pit me against my insecurities

it sounds like a joke

especially coming from a twenty-something year old

my blood starts to boil

my eyes blacken from the outside in

i know exactly what to say

i just don't know where to begin

stop me if you've heard this one before

it's that thing where i do, but i don't

and you will, but you won't

shit like this will really work my nerve

like clockwork

round and round in the same position

same old, same old

so what's so hard about this condition?

i see better in darkness

and when i've reached my farthest, my worst is what works best

emphasize my latest affliction

just for the sake of dramatic effect

stop me if you've heard this one before

third times the charm

each day begins brand new, im on a mission to start fresh

quit while i'm ahead

and catch my breath

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